I cried over spilled gravy.
It was a Thursday night and my anxiety was at peak levels. The boys were bickering with each other, my daughter was basically clinging onto my leg for dear life, and I was teetering on a breakdown.
Since I had my evil IUD surgically removed and my tubes tied in April my body has been struggling with hormonal problems which I feel like are feeding my anxiety and depression. The slightest cough in my father has me demanding that my mother keep an eye on him so it doesn’t turn into pneumonia. Yes, that happened. Maybe it’s the fact that my children got hit from the stomach/flu bug from Hell the last two weeks and my oldest ended up in the ER.
All I know is I’m constantly consumed by the nonsense that shouldn’t even be on my radar and I know it isn’t just me. I know so many other women have to deal with this bullshit in their daily lives.
The overwhelming feeling of everything I need to accomplish over the three day weekend I have off from work when all I want to do is lay on the beach and bake until my pale ass looks like a red popsicle. A vacation from life, really.
I think a lot of women find ourselves in the same position and have absolutely no idea how to handle it. We don’t equate our hormones and being overwhelmed with anxiety or depression which is the first disservice we do to ourselves. America has this whole distorted view of what exactly “mental illness” is and always has. My mothers’ generation was far worse, but there are still so many negative stigmas we need to work on overcoming so our daughters don’t have to feel this way either. Our girls deserve better.
I also feel like the artificial hormones we pump into our bodies doesn’t help. Birth control and hormone replacement and God only knows what else. The sole responsibility of preventing pregnancy falls on women, so we torture ourselves with these vile options that wreak havoc on our bodies leaving us a hot mess in the wake of it. Can I get an amen, Y’all?
I think women need to be a little more gentle with ourselves and just take five every once and a while so we don’t end up crying in the bathroom because it’s the only door in the house that locks.
And it’s okay to accept the fact that you have anxiety or depression or both. There is nothing wrong with being you and getting all the help, support, drugs, or whatever you need. It doesn’t make you less of a mother or human being. It just means you are in touch enough to understand your needs and that is an amazing thing.